Trust
by BubuzukeOnna
Summary: Natsuki is concerned about Shizuru, whom is attending University in London. In my timeline, this occurs about a year after the Revelations Story. M for language & possible future ero. Mai HiME verse is owned by Sunrise.
1. Chapter 1

Immediately after opening the door to Natsuki's apartment, Mai saw a flash of light then darkness and crumpled to the floor.

"Woah! How the hell did you get that, Mai?" Chie exclaimed.

Mai glared at Natsuki with the eye that didn't need an ice pack to reduce swelling.

"Kuga-san! Mai's a girl! You can't treat her like Takeda-kun!" scolded Aoi, with her hand on Mai's shoulder appearing alarmed.

"It was an ACCIDENT!" Natsuki complained, her face turning red.

Chie's brow arched, "How do you _accidentally_ give someone a black eye?"

"You throw your cell phone, and have friends who don't knock" Natsuki moaned miserably, letting her head drop onto the table.

"Is there something wrong with your phone?" Aoi took a seat next to Mai, and Chie dropped down by Natsuki.

"It exists"

"Oh, come on, what's wrong with it?" Chie asked.

"Yea, explain what I'm suffering for" Mai said with a grin.

"Nothing's wrong with it, I was just mad"

"You're mad all the time, though. Why throw the cell phone this time?"

Natsuki lifted her head up slightly to make sure they could see her displeasure.

"Yea like that!" said Chie.

"_You_... " Natsuki grumbled, exasperated. "agh! It's just Shizuru."

"Fujino-san?" the three other girls said in unison.

"Yea..."

"She's in London right, at University?...did something happen?" Aoi leaned forward.

"I don't know!" Natsuki shouted.

The girls stared.

"She won't say anything. She just keeps asking about how I'm doing, and when I ask about her all she says is 'I'm fine.' "

"Well, Fujino-san never really seemed talkative in general..." the girls' eyes turned upward, trying to remember instances of conversation with the former student council president.

"True, I can't even remember a conversation that didn't involve school." Chie allowed.

"You're the one who was closest to her besides Kanzaki-senpai, if something was wrong I'm sure she would talk to you about it..." added Mai.

"I bet she's just busy getting new people to fight over applying her sun-tan lotion!" Aoi giggled.

Natsuki's lips pursed, her eyes narrowed. Anxiety stabbed through her stomach and chest. It hadn't occurred to her that Shizuru could be busy in that way. Images of other girls touching and clamoring over Shizuru darted through her memory. Her jaw was starting to hurt from clenching. These feelings were confusing. She hated feeling confused.

Chie watched Natsuki's breaths become more shallow with interest, wishing she had her camera with her. She cut off Aoi with a hand gesture before the girl could say more. "_Does_ Shizuru-chan usually talk to you about things?"

Natsuki blinked, "sometimes...kind of, I mean...I think so..." Her stomach dropped as she considered the question. Somehow she knew with certainty that she was closer to Shizuru than anyone- that she _knew_ more about Shizuru than anyone, but also realized that what she knew was miserably inadequate. Shizuru had managed to prove ever clever at ferreting out her secrets, but everything she knew about Shizuru was gained through circumstance. It hurt. "I think, maybe I'm really selfish..."

The three other girls stared at the swaying body of their friend slumping down onto the table again, marveling sadly at her tempestuous facial expressions.

"We can tell how much you care about her Natsuki, she probably can too" Aoi spoke softly. The other two girls nodded in agreement.

"I guess that's good... but the problem is still the same, though. I do care, but I can't seem to get her to open up to me..."

"It's not like you were Miss Congeniality either though Natsuki, and you opened up...what did Shizuru do to get you to talk?"

"I didn't talk a lot to her either though. If I'm honest about it, I mostly just used her. She did favors for me. I mean, I liked her …. but she was just there. Kind, and there. I felt safe, and we became friends without my paying attention. But I can't be "there" for her now, I'm here!... Damn it!" Natsuki punched the table.

"Careful, we don't need any more black eyes" .Aoi admonished.

"Sorry."

"You talked to Mai, what did she do to get you to talk and become friends?"

"Pissed me off...wouldn't leave me alone."

"Hey! I think I'm paying for it over here, too!" Mai half grinned, half glared. Natsuki rolled her eyes.

"Well, why don't you do that..?." Chie asked.

"What?"

"Go see her, you have the money, and it's not like you care so much about academics that you'd mind missing another day or three."

"Oh yes! Go surprise her!" Aoi interjected enthusiastically

"And piss her off." Chie smiled.

"Yes! And piss her...huh?" Aoi's smile turned to confusion.

"Go and see her, and if you need to, push a few buttons, I'm sure you must know some. If she doesn't want to burden you, make it so that's not what she's worried about. If she's mad at you, she might spit out what's wrong. It works on Aoi too sometimes." Aoi squinted and began to raise her hand "Hey, what happened to non-violence?" Chie snickered, preparing to block the attack.

"Yea...maybe" Natsuki murmured apprehensively.

Remembering the HiME festival, Mai leaned forward and gave Natsuki a meaningful look "Just don't make her _too_ angry."


	2. Chapter 2

Maybe she should have checked the weather first_,_ Natsuki lamented. Sitting in Regent's Park she began to lament other things as well, like, that it might have also been a good idea to have figured out where the hell she was going.

Damn it.

The imposing white building across from where she sat mocked her, she was sure of it. As did the students- walking around all dry with their stupid umbrellas. So maybe she was being a little spiteful, but she was cold! Hungry. Lost. Wet. Jet lagged. Pissed.

As talented as she was at unwittingly providing the circumstances in which she herself could become rabidly hostile, making her friend angry should be a breeze.

Scratch that. She didn't need a breeze. It was cold.

In between scanning the small groups of people going to and fro, she daydreamed about strangling Harada Chie. Then guilt came and reminded her that her well-intentioned acquaintance had probably not imagined Natsuki would hop on her bike and head straight to the airport that same night. Chie had probably imagined there would be plans and suitcases involved...and umbrellas. Why hadn't she brought an umbrella?

Natsuki shivered, and attempted to push her hands deeper into her pockets for warmth. Not that the wet clothes provided any real comfort, but she had to try.

She didn't know where Shizuru was staying. She didn't know where to buy an umbrella, or rent a cell phone that worked. She didn't know London. Hell, she didn't know English.

It was damn lucky that "Rondon Bizunisu Sukuru" had gotten her to the only thing she did know- the name of the place Shizuru was studying. Her feelings of gratitude for that had been wearing off for some time though. She was even starting to curse Shizuru with white puffy bursts of air.

"Stupid Shizuru, scoring an 800 on her GMAT. Show off. Getting her undergrad credits done in High School and shipping her off to the other side of the world. What the hell even is a GMAT?" She grumbled, puffing more white clouds from between her lips.

Natsuki heard the staccato patter of rain drops on canvas, then noted the cessation of those same drops on her head. Before she could move to look at what was going on, hot breath on her ear made her jump up.

"Ara? Who wouldn't feel compelled to show off with such a tough and beautiful critic to appease, hmm? It would seem Natsuki has left me with little choice in the matter."

"Shizuru! How did you..."

"Mai"

"Damn it Mai, it was supposed to be a surprise..."

"Don't worry, your state right now is still quite shocking." Shizuru smiled gently, "She was worried about you, I can see she was right to be."

Natsuki scowled, "I'm fine."

Handing the umbrella to Natsuki, Shizuru nodded and began to remove her scarf and coat. She then proceeded to wrap them around Natsuki.

"I'll get your clothes all wet! You'll be cold!." The protests were cut short by the warmth of Shizuru's hands clasping around hers.

Natsuki watched silently as Shizuru brought her palms together, and leaned forward to blow hot air on them. The older girl began rub them vigorously. Even through the numbing effect of the cold Natsuki could feel them, soft and gentle. It was difficult to keep quiet as the warmth came tingling painfully though pleasantly back into her fingers. Her anger subsided, and her earlier gratitude began to return.

The two stood quiet for some time after the kneading and puffing had no longer been necessary. Just staring at their hands, Shizuru's palms cupped around Natsuki's knuckles. When their eyes finally met, Natsuki thought she must have looked sheepish. The corners of her friend's mouth were twitching as if trying to keep from laughing.

"I suppose I had better show you where I live, before you get lost again." Shizuru teased, sliding an arm through Natsuki's to lead her down a path.

What had seemed dreary and frighteningly expansive before, now seemed vibrant and glistening. They didn't speak, strolling slowly along through the park. Shizuru's eyes were intent on their path, but Natsuki let hers roam the grounds. She hadn't dared to go exploring lest she not be able to find her way back to the school. Plus, she had been focused on picking Shizuru out of the crowd. Now she was free to gawk at the scenery.

"I guess they got fancy with the architecture 'cause everything came in grey...?" Natsuki mused aloud at the buildings and statues they passed. "Even the weather" she pinched her lips, still a little mad at the icy rain.

Eventually they made their way into a subway station, and rode it until a place called "Charing's Cross." When they'd finally arrived at their destination, Natsuki thought she might throw up.

"Great... you live in a Castle"

"An Hotel, just a very nice one"

"Ok- Great, you live in a _Hotel__Castle_. Why a hotel?"

"Father arranged for me to stay as a favor from an acquaintance. I'm to focus on studying"

"Oh. Wish I had someone to clean up after me!" The dark haired girl twisted her grin into a frown.

"If Natsuki wishes a servant, I can send her one. Would she like one with a maid costume?" Shizuru's brows arched quizzically.

"No! Hey, I could pay for one myself thank you very much. And besides, that's Mai's job"

"A maid costume for Mai then?"

"Shizuru!"

"How mean, I'm only trying to help my dear domestically challenged Natsuki." Shizuru pouted as they stepped through the front doors of The Royal Horseguards Hotel.

Natsuki tried to keep her jaw off of the floor as they wandered through the halls, and entered her suite. It was a bit smaller than she'd imagined it was going to be after walking through the luxury outside, but not by much.

"That's a piano."

"Very good Natsuki!"

"Shh, I know what piano is, I mean - you don't have time to do your own dishes, but you can play the piano?"

"Sometimes"

"Hmm..." Natsuki made her way to the bench, plopped down and started to poke at random keys.

"I'll draw Natsuki a bath, she'll need to use one of my night robes when she's done. I didn't bring any Yukata here."

"Oh, thanks. That'll be fine. I'll find something to wear tomorrow"

Shizuru nodded, and disappeared through a door. Natsuki sighed as she rose, and stretched. Her body ached from the day of bone chilling rain. After taking off Shizuru's coat and scarf, she absentmindedly began her ritual. Checking the doors and windows, the light switches, and drawers. Studying and remembering the floor plan as she went.

The sound of running water grew louder as she walked past the bathroom, and into where she imagined a bed must be. It was a large fluffy looking king size, and a small desk sat in the corner covered in books and papers that were neatly stacked into piles. Housekeeping, maybe. She hesitated, and decided against looking into the drawers by the desk. This was Shizuru's personal living space after all, not just an ordinary hotel.

When she walked closer to test the bed, however, she couldn't help but want to open the drawer to the short bedside table. It was said of Westerner's that you'd always find a bible, and she wanted to find out if it was true.

When she opened it, there was no mysterious black book, but there was a loose photograph. It looked old and worn, water damaged. Taking a closer look, she realized it wasn't actually old at all, though it was worn.

It was a photograph she didn't remember. She wondered who had taken it, though she had suspicions. There was only person who wantonly trampled across campus with a camera and no conscience. The lighting in the room had been dim with the late afternoon sun. She had fallen asleep in front of Shizuru's computer, but instead of waking her up as she usually did, it appeared that Shizuru too had pulled up a chair and fallen asleep. It made her feel nostalgic. Her thumb slid gently over the water marks, and wondered if they were from rain or tears.

* * *

><p>"Shizuru, where..." she called after stepping into the room from her bath.<p>

The girl had fallen asleep sitting upright. Her back against a pillow propped on the headboard. Thin reading glasses looked ready to fall over the slim tip of her nose at the smallest provocation, and her small hands still clutched at a large book resting on her lap.

Was she thinner than Natsuki remembered? Couldn't say for sure, but she definitely looked like she needed the sleep. It was a rare sight. Actually, had she ever seen Shizuru's sleeping face? A blush crept upon her as she remembered that the only time she might have had the opportunity to spy Shizuru sleeping outside of that photograph was when it had been too dark to see.

Truth be told, now it was just making her yawn.

The sleeping Shizuru sat atop the covers of the bed, but she seemed comfortable. If she woke up now she'd probably make tea or order room service. All Natsuki wanted to do was pass out. Crawling into the bed, she carefully relocated the book to the bedside table and replaced it with her head. She pulled the half of the covers that they weren't on top of over both of them, and began to snore softly two seconds later.


	3. Chapter 3

Her first thought of the day was, _Where __the __hell __am __I? _After a few moments of rubbing her eyes and looking around, her second thought was_,__ oh __yea. _Within minutes of staring at the empty space beside her, then running – more like stumbling - through the apartment sized suite a few times, her third thought of the morning was _crap._

When the clock let her know that it was past noon, there were some more choice phrases running through her head.

Note... A note, Shizuru probably left a note. Tables...counters...bed...floor? Yep. There it was. She must have knocked it down when she had leaped from under the covers earlier.

_Natsuki__ looked__ adorable __in __my__ sleeping__ robes. __As__ ever,__ fate __is__ cruel__ and __my__ day__ begins __much __earlier __than __I __imagine __Natsuki __is __used__ to. __In __the __kitchen __I__ have__ left __a__ key __to __the __room, __and__ some __food__ for __Natsuki __to__ eat__ during __the__ day. __I __hope __she __will __be __kind__ enough __not __to __stray __far, __or__ do __anything __dangerous.__ When __I __return, __I__ will __bring __some__ warm__ clothes. __Of __course, __I __know __all __of __Natsuki's __measurements! __I__ hope __that __I__ will __be __forgiven,__ as __I __may__ not __be__ back __until __quite __late._

_Shizuru_

Natsuki flopped back down onto the bed. It was going to be two whole days since she'd gotten to London, and she hadn't spent more than 30 conscious minutes with the woman. How was she supposed to make her mad if she didn't even have time? _Could_ she make Shizuru mad? She wasn't sure that anger was how she should call what Shizuru had felt during the HiME festival, as Mai had suggested.

See, this was the problem. Tea and Natsuki, the only two subjects one could be certain about when it came to Shizuru's feelings. Everything else was evasion and secrets. It was depressing that she didn't _know_ how to make Shizuru Fujino mad. It was depressing that that was depressing!

* * *

><p>It was indeed late when Shizuru finally made it home. Natsuki had spent the entire day moving listlessly from one position to another, giving herself headaches trying to figure out a game plan. She forgot about food, about clothes, she hadn't even bothered to change out of the sleeping robe she'd worn to bed.<p>

Getting lost was out of the question, so she didn't bother going outside. Her stupid cell didn't work, so there was no one she could talk to. Nothing on the TV made any damn sense, although there had a been a strange but comical display by a socially oblivious clumsy mute that had entertained her briefly. By the time Shizuru arrived, she was well and truly irritated.

"Ara, does Natsuki miss foutons so much?"

Eyes more black then green in the evening glow, glared up from the body on the floor. In her boredom she had laid down in the sun and drifted into a restless dream..

"It's 9 pm and it's still light outside"

"Give me a moment, I'm sure I'll figure out what that has to do with lying on the floor..." Shizuru tapped her lips, and stared off into the distance.

"Baka, what would it have to do with anything?"

"Ikezu..." Shizuru pouted, set down her bags, and began to rummage in the kitchen. "Natsuki didn't eat anything!"

"I was tired."

Shizuru's brow furrowed, looking at the small refrigerator as if expecting it to beg forgiveness. As if deciding punishment could wait until later, Shizuru returned her maple gaze back to Natsuki. "I'm sorry I had to leave you alone here all day, your coming was a surprise yesterday. I couldn't get out of my plans"

"Don't worry about it."

"I did manage to reschedule a few things for the next couple of days so that I have some time to spend with Natsuki" the girl smiled. "I'm happy that Natsuki came to see me, but if there is something going on at the Academy I'm sure I could have taken care of it from here? Natsuki only need ask."

"I know, thank you Shizuru...but... it's not Fuuka."

Shizuru's brows furrowed again, this time in a look of worry as she studied Natsuki's face. "Natsuki?"

This kind of reaction made it impossible for her to come up with anything she could do or say that might make the girl mad. Those sad puppy dog eyes took all the steam out of her, and left her feeling guilty.

"I'm hungry..."

Her stomach roiled with even more guilt for changing the subject, but she wasn't sure what else to do. It wasn't the only thing that was going on in her stomach though, at least she _was _actually very hungry.

"I didn't have a chance to get anything to make, but there are all kinds of restaurants that still deliver late. What would Natsuki like to eat?"

* * *

><p>She was happy that Shizuru had let her alter the course of the discussion without any resistance, but all throughout the rest of the evening she had a feeling that something was wrong.<p>

At first she couldn't put her finger on what the problem was exactly. It wasn't until Shizuru had taken a bath and had left the water warm for Natsuki that the bells of realization began to ring in her mind.

There had been no sign of inappropriate advances. No grabbing, no groping, no touching, no tickling, no trying to sneak into her bath this night or the night before... teasing, yes. Gentle displays of affection, sure. Too gentle, really.

What the hell was going on?

She'd never spent so long with her friend without there being _some __kind_ of sexual innuendo. There hadn't been many girls in general who had spent long within reach of Shizuru Fujino who hadn't experienced the woman's wandering hands.

The wheels in her head burned rubber.

It couldn't be...could it? She hadn't been somehow relegated to l_ess_ than a fan girl, had she? Just because she wasn't one hundred percent sure that an overtly romantic and sexual relationship was what she wanted yet, that didn't mean that she wanted the possibility for one to vanish. Hadn't Shizuru promised to give her time?

Wiping steam from the mirror, Natsuki stared at herself. Determining that her appearance hadn't changed in any way that she could see, the illusory smell of rubber began to produce an idea.

She began to laugh out loud, a strangled sort of laugh.

The kind of laugh that a person laughs just before planning to do something they know might be really _really _ stupid.

Just like the hitch hiking, she thought. That had been unbearably embarrassing, but she'd lived. Through the car ride home, and the teasing that followed- she'd lived. And she'd live through this too. She just had to use her feminine charms, that's all. Feminine. Charms. She could do that...

Shizuru was sitting in the same position as she had been in the night before, but this time she was awake. A positive start. Her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, her hair pulled back from her face, reading in the lamp light. Could she see Natsuki clearly through those glasses if she were to look?

Her dark wet hair swung heavily around her face, as she sauntered over toward the bed in only the bath towel. She tried to move her hips as she had seen models do, but she felt like an idiot. Probably, she looked like an idiot. She felt pretty certain about that. As hard as she was trying, Shizuru had yet to notice.

When she reached the edge of the bed, she let her towel slip open "accidentally" while reaching down for the folded sleeping robe. She stayed leaning over for a few moments, but there was no excuse for remaining in the position for any longer then that so she stood up. Why wasn't this working?

Turning around, she pretended to survey the room as if looking for where she might change. And, as if having been unable to find a suitable place, she shrugged and let the towel fall to the floor. The sound was loud, like a hammer on an anvil. A hammer in a coffin. Yea, she was pretty sure about it being just about that loud when it hit the ground.

Her face was burning up and her hands were shaking, but she did her best to put the sleeping robe on slowly. Waiting for Shizuru to notice, waiting to hear some lude remark about her naked body, for some surprise attack.

Somehow she managed to get the robe on without comment or coincidence, and when she turned around she saw that Shizuru had fallen asleep again.

What the hell?

OK, now she was starting to feel pissed.

In the name of everything holy, why was it always her ending up angry?

Stomping back over to the bed, she jumped in, and scooted straight up to the sleeping woman. She glared at the girl icily, leaned into an ear and began to whisper her own version of lude commentary. So close her lips caressed skin and everything, and she could smell the fading scent of shampoo. The sleeping Shizuru only smiled in her now sweet dreams and slumped over onto the other pillows.

That was when Natsuki had her last thought of the day – _Mou__ kanben__ shite!_

* * *

><p>i<em>kezu<em> - unkind

_mou kanben shite_ - give me a break


	4. Chapter 4

"Chie-chan" She said it derisively, she hoped Harada could get the tone over the phone. Shizuru had gotten her a working cell, and then disappeared saying she needed to take care of something.

"Yo, Natsuki-kun, what's up?"

"You got me into this, help me."

"Hahaha...trouble in paradise?"

"What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing's working. She said she took some time off, but she keeps disappearing. I even woke up and found her awake studying instead of sleeping. She still won't talk to me!"

"Wow, maybe she's just really busy? Did you try to piss her off? She could be ignoring you."

"No! Well, yes it's like she's ignoring me, but I didn't do anything yet!"

"Oh...that's not good."

"What's not good?"

"Hmmm... do you think..." the sound was muffled like she was talking to someone else. Natsuki could vaguely hear voices in the background.

"Is that Aoi? Mai? What? What is it?"

"Well...I thought maybe, you know...with what Aoi said... but Mai seems to think that's impossible."

"Huh?"

"You know..." Chie was trying to leave pauses positively pregnant with meaning, but it was just annoying the hell out of Natsuki.

"No, I don't. Or I wouldn't be here asking. Talk Harada"

"Oi oi, no need to be short. Well, I don't mean to be rude or pry, but it looks like you two have...that...kind of relationship. I'm not saying that you do, now, don't bite my head off. But...if you were to have that sort of thing going on...then maybe she has some reason to try to distance herself from you? My first guess would be someone else..." Natsuki heard Mai shout "I told you that's not it, mou" "How can you be sure? What else would it be?" Chie argued.

Natsuki hung up.

This was getting no where. She paced anxiously, thinking that coming to London might have been a huge mistake. At best she was just interrupting time that Shizuru needed to study, at worst... at worst. She didn't want to think about it. It made her stomach hurt.

"I'm sorry for making Natsuki wait. You look just as I imagined you would in that outfit"

"Oh, yes, no problem, and thank you...I think"

"Shall we show you the wonders of London, then?"

"Sounds good to me"

They wandered for hours, the bridge, the tower, the crown jewels, Westminster abbey, st. Paul's cathedral. Shizuru had seemed to particularly enjoy the whispering gallery, making Natsuki run to the other side to see if they could hear one another.

At lunch Natsuki had voraciously wolfed down the biggest hamburger she had ever seen, though Shizuru didn't seem to want anything. As the day wore on, Shizuru's behavior didn't change much. She was still trying, the same as the night before, to gauge the woman's reactions. Standing closer than she would usually, bending over rails at the right angle and time. Purposefully saying things that she thought could be misconstrued and turned into an opportunity to tease. The longer they spent time together, the more distant Shizuru became.

"Zuzu!" someone yelled across the path they were walking down. Zuzu? Were they talking to Shizuru? Her face seemed to visibly pale, she looked like she was trying to survey the area for an escape route, but immediately began to smile warmly when she didn't see one. Suspicious.

The callers were a group of young people, their age, 2 women and a man. They wore looks of concern, but seemed to smile after Shizuru said something to them. Natsuki had no idea what was going on. Shizuru gestured toward her, but made no move as if she were going to perform any introductions. Very suspicious indeed. Who were these people? It appeared she wasn't going to get a chance to find out personally when they waved their hands and began to walk away.

"Zuzu huh?"

"Let's go back to the hotel" Shizuru said, a pained look on her face.

"What was that all about? Who were those people?"

"Just some students I know from my classes"

"How come you didn't introduce us...?"

"They don't speak Japanese."

"You could have translated, right?"

"I suppose, but I didn't want to end up being asked to go along with them. I want to spend time with Natsuki"

"Do you?"

Shizuru's eyes narrowed, looking at Natsuki with an expression both irritated and puzzled.

"I do. So let's go back to the hotel room, shall we?"

She started to walk away, but Natsuki took hold of her wrist, wanting to finish the conversation, to find out what was going on. The expression she saw on her friend's face when she was pulled around, however, made everything else flee her mind.

Fear and pain.

"Natsu..." Shizuru said, before her eyes rolled back in her head, and she collapsed onto the pavement.

"Shizuru! SHIZURU!" She knew she wasn't supposed to lift someone when they were unconscious. She had learned that from somewhere once, but she forgot it now in her shock. She lifted the girl, and was startled at how light she felt. Her head was burning up with fever, and she could swear that there was something warm seeping through Shizuru's shirt and through her own clothes. Running, some people seemed to understand that she needed help. They stopped her, she didn't want to stop. She needed to take Shizuru somewhere, didn't they understand that? She couldn't stop, she needed to get to a doctor. The people who were taking Shizuru out of her arms were speaking in soothing tones. It wasn't helping, but she was now shaking too hard to stop them.

She didn't remember seeing anyone call, but an ambulance arrived and transported them to what she assumed was an hospital. She had been right, there was blood on her shirt. They thought she was hurt too. But it wasn't her...it was just Shizuru. It wasn't at all what she'd though, but her suspicions had been correct about one thing - something was wrong with Shizuru.


	5. Chapter 5

They wouldn't let her in. They wouldn't fucking let her in. She'd yelled at them, of course, cursed them and pounded her fists on the counter. None of it had helped. They didn't understand her, and she didn't understand them. Every time she'd move to go past them, to find Shizuru, they'd restrained her.

Eventually someone had shown up who claimed to be a servant of the Fujino family. He had escorted Natsuki back to Shizuru's hotel suite. Apologizing that he couldn't tell her anything, he simply promised that he'd return later with Shizuru and left her alone. Why wouldn't anyone tell her anything? What was wrong with Shizuru. Obviously she was sick, but to what extent?

In a panic she lost the ability to prevent herself from going through Shizuru's things. She still had Shizuru's blood on her shirt. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think straight, she was trying to look for something but she could barely see through the tears collecting in her lashes.

In her haste she unabashedly ripped the drawers out, dumping their contents onto the floor. But there was nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. Where would she find something..the bathroom? She ran. Flipping the bathroom closet door open with a crash, her hands toppled toiletries until she found what she was looking for. Tucked away in the back, behind the towels...bottles of medicine and folded up papers.

* * *

><p>When the door opened, Shizuru stood quietly. She and the Fujino servant surveyed the scene before them.<p>

"Do you need me to remove her? I can get her a separate room somewhere else, or have her flown back to Japan."

"That won't be necessary, thank you, you may go" Shizuru said tiredly.

"I'll help you to the bedr-"

"That will be all, thank you." After being cut off so abruptly, the man's face looked reluctant but he bowed sharply and left none-the-less, closing the door behind him. Shizuru leaned back into it with her eyes closed, and sighed. Her skin was pale, practically translucent. Dark rings under her eyes found themselves accentuated in the dim light. Her coat hung limply around her thin frame, her usually proud shoulders sagging under it's weight.

"I see that Natsuki has been busy...I hope she can remember this isn't my home, and I'll have to pay for all of this..."

"How long."

Shizuru opened her eyes, and stared at the angry visage of her friend. Arms crossed, eyes blazing. She would have felt excited if she didn't feel so horrible.

"I said. How. Long.?"

"You saw for yourself- that long." Shizuru made herself quip playfully.

Natsuki unfolded her arms, and produced the medicine bottles and instructional papers. "I looked these up. I know this isn't just you being tired. HOW LONG Shizuru? How long have you been sick?"

Her eyes lost their twinkle. She sluggishly ambled to a chair and sat down. Even with the pain medicine, she winced. "Months."

"Months..." Dark hair swayed with the girl, as if she'd alighted an ocean craft in a storm.. "Months..." she repeated. "there was a surgery."

"Yes."

"And they got it"

"They think so."

"Where..."

Shizuru couldn't meet Natsuki's gaze, but quietly moved her hand to indicate an area below her waist.

"You still have your hair."

"Radiation."

"No chemotherapy."

"No."

"And today?"

"Natsuki, I'm fi-"

She winced as Natsuki kicked the small table by the couch across the room. It hit the piano with such force that the lid fell down, pressing the keys in a jarring dissonant chord. A vase toppled over, spilling water onto the floor, until it rolled off the edge and shattered.

"You have CANCER Shizuru... for MONTHS you've had CANCER. That's not fine. YOU'RE not fine! So, TODAY?."

"An infection, I...I didn't have classes the first day you were here. I was at the hospital, having my wound cleaned, it re-opened and had gotten infected. They're supposed to do it here usually, but I didn't want..."

"Didn't want me to find out... and the studying?"

"I have to keep up"

"That's it? That's worth it? Getting an infection just to be able to _lie_ to me? to _keep __up_?"

"I never.."

"FUCKING CANCER, SHIZURU. What AM I to you? How could you keep this from me? When were you going to tell me? _Were_ you going to tell me? What if you had...what if..." The tears were falling freely down her face now. "_What __am__ I__ to__ you_..."

"_Everything_."

"BULLTSHIT! If I were everything to you, then you'd give me everything. You don't even..."

"What do I have that I have refused to you? Natuski-" A small flash of anger passed behind Shizuru's irises

"You, Shizuru. This whole thing. You refuse to give me YOU. The _real_ you. Fuck, Shizuru...I don't even get 50 _percent_ of the real you."

"The real...me...Natsuki has seen enough...was repulsed."

"_Scared_, _surprised_ ...but only at the time. And so what? so that means you get to decide what I get and what I don't? That means you get to be the good guy all the time?"

"The good guy?"

"Yea, Shizuru, the good guy. _Care-free_ Shizuru. _Perfect_ Shizuru. I used to wonder why you'd want to spend time with me, but we both know you're just as screwed up as I am. My bad side...my bad side is the only side most people ever see. I can't hide it. I can't hide...this..." she waved her hands at the mess around the room. "All people ever see is what _you_ want. That's part of you, sure, you're nice, you're charming, whatever. But that's not you. That's not all of you." Her knuckles turned white, clenching and unclenching. This was hard. Why did she have to do this? She punched her thigh, not wanting to bust a hole in the wall. "Damn it. Damn it! _You_ came after _me_. _You_ were nice to _me_. _You_ made me feel these things. _You_ made me show my good self to you. I didn't ask for that. I'm grateful for your feelings, I'm grateful... but this is humiliating, Shizuru, you humiliate me! I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel like the only person who's being put out there."

"Natsuki..."

"Am I not worth feeling ugly for? I'm not worth talking to when you need help?"

"Of course you are! Of course you are...but I don't... know how. I don't know how anymore." Her expression started to look spiteful as she continued her thought "And what's wrong with that? People want something from me, always, but just that something. Nothing else. If I give that to them, they're happy. They want me."

"They don't want you. They want the idea of you. Is that what _you_ want? Is that what you want _me_ to do? Seriously, what do you _want_ from me?"

"I want... I want you to love me..." Shizuru was shaking now, her lip quavering, tears streaking her face. The heat had gone out of Natsuki while admitting her insecurity, and seeing the older girl drop her guard actually made her feel relief. She carefully knelt down at Shizuru's feet.

"How can I love you if I don't _know_ you? If you won't _trust_ me."

"Trust..." The look on the former student council president's face made Natsuki's chest throb. Lightly cupping her hands around Shizuru's face, she held the woman's gaze through her own tears.

"Shizuru...I already know you won't abandon me, even when you've felt rejected by me. Give me the chance to show you that I won't abandon you either."

Shizuru melted forward even though it was painful, and Natsuki caught her in an embrace. Ran her fingers through the soft strands of chestnut hair, and brought the girl into a kiss. It was like that last night of the HiME festival, although it was a different kind of love that she wanted to give. It was a different kind of kiss. Not a parting gift nor an acceptance of fate.


	6. Chapter 6

"You still have a little fever..."

"Ara...and such a shame, not a negi in sight..."

"Sh...Shizuru..." Heat washed over Natsuki's cheeks.

"Why are you red? I'm the one with the fever"

Without responding, Natsuki wandered to the bathroom and returned with a cool wet towel. Shizuru sighed with relief as it was placed gently across her forehead. Warm green eyes watched her with concern.

"Are you sure we shouldn't go back to the hospital?"

"Ureshi..."

"I'm serious, Shizuru"

"I know." her eyes glittered "you've seen to it that I've taken the medicine, and a nurse will come later to check. Anshin-shi"

"But..."

"The doctors said it was completely normal. The radiation increases the risk of infection, it's the cut and not the bone. It was almost healed. I just didn't take proper care of myself when you arrived. I'm sorry for making Natsuki worry so much."

"_Let_ me worry, you just get better. Besides, It's not like I haven't asked for your help when I was sick. You can count on me."

"Then I will"

Natsuki nodded, satisfied.

"You need to eat something"

"I don't feel hungry, but it Natsuki would like.."

"I didn't ask you if you felt hungry, I said you need to eat something"

A cough erupted from by the doorway "Young lady, that is not the appropriate way to speak to Shizuru-sama." The servant from the other day had returned earlier. Presumably to repair the damage Natsuki had done to the hotel suite, and keep an eye on his sick mistress.

"Yoshida-kun" Shizuru called lyrically.

"Yes, Ojou-sama"

"Natsuki is my guest, which would make it equally inappropriate to disturb the enjoyment of her visit wouldn't you say?" The man flushed.

"Of course, please excuse me" Looking like a school boy despite clearly being in his thirties, the man bowed deeply and made to exit.

"Yoshida-kun" Yoshida stopped dead in his tracks, and turned back.

"Yes, Ojousama?"

"Find a Japanese owned restaurant, and bring some food. Make sure that you get something for yourself as well."

"As you wish" the second time he waited until he was dismissed, shooting Natsuki a gaze simultaneously curious and irritated as he left.

"Thank you" Natsuki said, carefully lowering herself onto the bed.

"Don't mind Yoshida, like most of my family's servants he's used to a certain level of protocol."

"It's fine. I'm used to gruff people. I actually meant thank you, because you're going to eat"

"I said I'd let Natsuki-sensei take care of me"

"Natsuki...sen...sei...?"

"Ara...Natsuki-sensei... it hurts, right here" Shizuru pointed to a place around her neck, hidden by her hair "I think you need to take a closer look at it. It could be serious."

Natsuki stared from where she was, but when Shizuru's lips began to move into a pout she sighed and scooted closer. Playing along, she leaned in and brushed aside Shizuru's hair bringing her face closer and closer until her lips were about to touch the girl's ear. Hands framed her face, and gently maneuvered her until she was looking into Shizuru's dark truffle colored eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" Shizuru's voice was a whisper. The other girl nodded.

It wasn't a hungry kiss, like some of kisses they'd shared. Though it wasn't a gentle kiss either. It was warm and steady. She could feel the even breeze of their breaths, taste the smallest hint of the older girl's morning tea. Their noses touched, their hands traced softly ears, cheeks, jaw, neck Enjoying the simple fact of their closeness. They stayed kissing a long time, until they were just laying facing one another with their lips touching. When Natsuki opened her eyes, she saw that a tiny tear drop was making it's way down Shizuru's cheek. She pulled back, and used a thumb to wipe it dry.

"Are you OK?"

"I'm so happy you're here"

"Me too, I'm not going anywhere"

"I'm tired..."

"Go to sleep... I'll wake you to eat when Yoshida-san brings the food"

"Is it ok if-"

Natsuki brought her face closer and kissed the girl again. They stayed with their lips and skin touching until Shizuru's breathing became slow and regular. Watching the rise and fall of her friend's chest, she lay thinking about many things. Mostly, about the previous day.

After the kiss the evening before, Shizuru had looked so worn out, Natsuki just prepared the bed and carried Shizuru to it. She had gently removed her clothes, and dressed her in one of the sleeping gowns. It terrified her to see how thin the girl had gotten, along with the bandaging on her hip. She wondered how much it hurt.

The tumor had been small apparently, and it was the radiation that was making her tired and not wanting to eat. Even knowing that, Natsuki couldn't help but feel scared. How must Shizuru have felt, with only her family's people to stay by her?

While she did feel a bit guilty about her angry outburst, she didn't think she was wrong. Her life had had its fill of secrets. There was a time and place for them, but definitely not when it came to Shizuru. These kinds of things were difficult for Natsuki to navigate, there wasn't a question about that. But Natsuki was coming to believe that it was going to be even more difficult for Shizuru.

When Natsuki was small, she had been cherished. She might not have been able to see her mother as much as she would have liked, but when she did she had felt loved. It had made the abandonment and injustice she felt when it all had been taken away that much sharper. Shizuru, on the other hand, had been privileged, admired, coveted, but those didn't strike Natsuki as being the same as feeling loved. Being told that your importance came from a role you had to fill, Natsuki couldn't even imagine what that felt like.

The young woman might have grown up feeling entitled, but it was clear that she'd also felt alone and trapped. Doing what she was taught was her responsibility, what she was taught should be fulfilling, and yet remaining unfulfilled. She wanted Natsuki to reciprocate a love that she was equally as clueless about how to accept graciously as the object of her affections. Even on a friendship level.

She smiled to herself at the thought that as different as they were, they both had the same fundamental problem.


	7. Chapter 7

_My eyelids are drooping, which means that in all likelihood I will wake up tomorrow - read this chapter- and wonder what possessed me to upload it. Maybe. Hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway. _

* * *

><p>She resigned herself to being fed, trying her best not to look too put out. Obediently she would open her mouth, eat the bite, and then let the older girl dab at the corners of her lips even when there wasn't anything there. Shizuru was diligently eating her share, she figured that was all that really mattered. That, and seeing how happy the activity seemed to make her.<p>

"Shouldn't I be doing this for you, instead?"

"Natsuki-sensei wishes to feed me?"

"Uh...he he...well, that's...uh"

"Then I suppose it's only fair if we take turns."

"Turns..."

Shizuru stared expectantly at Natsuki's chopsticks. Sighing inwardly, she wondered if she should also be wiping the girl's mouth.

The familiar sound of a cough came from behind. Chopsticks still in Shizuru's mouth, Natsuki slowly turned her head. Though doing his best to keep it under control, his expression was unmistakably appalled. At least this time he had the good sense to keep his mouth shut. He stood solemnly as Shizuru finished her bite, as slowly as possible, enjoying herself probably far too much. Natsuki wondered if the man had to put up with this sort of thing all the time. If not, she was definitely going to be cursed.

"Yoshida-kun?" Shizuru asked innocently, after a sip of tea.

"The nurse will be arriving in an hour."

"Thank you, Natsuki-sensei prepared my pain medicine before we began eating."

"Natsuki...sen...Of, of course"

"Thank you, just send her into the room when she arrives."

"As you wish"

The poor man bowed and left the room.

"Now you're just being mean"

"Me? I'm never mean." She smiled a coy smile. "It's Natsuki's turn"

* * *

><p>When the nurse came, she had helped Shizuru undress and watched with a morbid interest. Certainly she might have liked to look away, but part of her couldn't even though Shizuru had told her she needn't be there for all of it. In a way, she wanted to see for herself what her friend had been going through alone. It was shocking. The wound, the roughness with which the Nurse cleaned it, and the silent stoic impassive face with which Shizuru endured it. Only a slight pinch to the lips, a hardly perceptible narrowing of the eyes, revealed that she was in any kind of pain. When she had only just a cold, Natsuki complained. This kind of self-control was unfathomable.<p>

After applying a fresh bandage, the nurse said something that sounded friendly and left.

"I'm sorry Natsuki had to see that"

"No, I wanted to stay... you weren't deathly ill, or walking around on something broken while we were in high school right?"

"A few minor injuries from fighting orphans, but nothing serious no. Why do you ask?"

"Because chances are I wouldn't have noticed, obviously I didn't" She hadn't meant for it to sound the way that it did, but her mind had already wandered there.

"Natsuki..."

"I guess I'm still kind of upset that you kept this from me"

"I'm sorry."

"Doesn't it hurt? How could you even have been walking around with me all that time..."

"If it's for Natsuki..."

"That kind of makes me responsible when you say it that way though"

"It's not my intention"

"That's still how it feels"

Leaning against the headboard, Natsuki placed pillows in her lap, and gestured for Shizuru to lay down. The girl seemed to be running out of energy, and Natsuki wanted her to feel more comfortable while they spoke. Running her fingers through the soft brown hair, she continued.

"I wasn't a very good friend back then"

"You tried to protect me, when you didn't know that I was a HiME. As I told you then, I was very happy."

"I wanted to keep you out of it... you also hid yourself from me. I can't say that I don't realize or appreciate that you think you're protecting me, since I've done the same, but where did not telling each other things get us last time?"

"It's different..."

"You went to the hospital, because you were prepared to destroy yourself with the notion that it was for my sake. Over things you didn't want to tell me, because you didn't want to burden me. It's different, but it's the same."

"Of course I would destroy myself for you. I was born to die for someone, at least, to kill for someone. That's what I was told and that's what I believed, for a long time. It's difficult not to still feel that it must be that way."

"For the HiME festival? Wait...how long...?"

"I didn't know about what would happen if my child died until the same time as everyone else. My powers were awakened far earlier."

"Searrs...?"

"A different group, though I did find connections while going after the first district"

"Your family..." Shizuru nodded with a sad expression. The full ramifications started to play themselves out in Natsuki's mind. "Shizuru, you can't hold yourself accountable because of what your family decided to do...my mother-"

"Loved you and died trying to keep you from becoming someone like me."

"Shizuru..."

"From the very start, before we ever met. I was training to kill you without knowing it. My family was funding your death, the death of your mother, the death of your friends. For my father, I was supposed to... I thought you would hate me, if you knew. You forgave me, but you didn't know everything."

"It wasn't your fault. We were all used, we were all victims. I'd never blame you for that. I'm glad you told me...keep telling me things. I had no idea...I want to know you, I want to know everything about you."

"There's one more thing...before you can say that..."

"OK..."

"I killed your father."

"You what?"

"During the HiME festival, don't worry, he was brought back with everyone else"

"Shizuru!"

"You hate him"

"Well...yea, but he pays for my...everything"

"I'll pay for your everything"

"How did you even find him? I usually don't even know where he is..."

"He's an international trader Natsuki, and I'm from a family who does business all over the world."

Natsuki nodded slowly, taking it all in. Her father was never around, hadn't been even since her mother passed away. He wasn't there at the hospital, he wasn't there for the funeral. Maybe he hadn't shown up out of guilt, but it didn't matter what his reasons were. She hated him. How the hell did she even end up reasonably well adjusted?

"Where.."

"Shanghai"

"You went to Shanghai, in one night, just to..."

"A bit much was it?"

"I'd say so"

"You still want to know everything?"

Natsuki thought for lingering moment that maybe asking for complete disclosure had been a mistake_. _But only for a lingering moment. Actually, there was probably something wrong with her that instead of angry she felt a little bit flattered at Shizuru's attention to detail. Disturbed, but flattered.

"Yes", she replied before another thought popped into her head.

"Takeda?"

"He was brought back too"

Natsuki couldn't help but laugh, now. It was so absurd, sad, and a little frightening. Though ultimately, she mostly felt relieved that they were talking about it. Even if it couldn't last, she needed this and so did Shizuru.

"Come home."

"Natsuki..."

" Take responsibility for what you've said. If I'm yours, if you're mine, you need to take responsibility. When your wound has finished healing, let's go home."


End file.
